Emphasis On Moms     

 You are a Mom ~   You are a Wife ~   You are a Lady ~

       Don't run from who you are ~ embrace it!

 

  Free To Be.....

...Who God Created Me To Be  

~ Releasing ourselves from unattainable standards and pressure ~

   

 

 

A Moment of Reflection ……..  By Chasity Champion

No weapon that is formed against you will prosper …… 

A couple of years after my divorce, while I was still in the recovery period and trying to rebuild my life, I remember questioning God so many times and asking him, “if no weapon that is formed against me will prosper, please help me to understand the state of my life.” I was still very angry and bitter at this point because my children and I had lost so much. One loss led to many other losses and before I knew it we were left with nothing but heaps of rubble. When my husband left, I was obviously distraught and heartbroken which caused me to miss a lot of work. The domino effect of missing a lot of work is that I was forced to resign in lieu of being fired and on top of that, the realities of being a single parent begin to set in. With my husband gone I realized just how much my children needed me at home, instead of being in the workforce. Of course without a stable monthly income, the children and I lost our home and eventually we were forced into a small, more humble living arrangement and from there I began home schooling. Anyone on the outside looking in, would look at my situation and view my children and me as victims of circumstance and for a while so did I.  

In the back of my mind though and in the midst of the transition, I kept questioning God because I still wanted to know, “if no weapon that is formed against me is going to prosper, then it sure looks like this divorce succeeded and prospered in my life Lord.” How many of you know that our Lord and Savior is gentle yet practical? While I was wallowing in the tears of anguish and self-pity one day he said to me, “Chasity, why don’t you change your perspective?”

 At the time I really did not understand where the Lord was going with all of this and maybe part of me did not want to see things from a different viewpoint because I wanted to remain angry. Thankfully God was not satisfied to leave me there because I continued to ask the same question and he continued to give the same response. He gently said to me, “Chasity, why don’t you change your perspective?” So one day while totally frustrated, I decided to look at the situation differently and change my perspective.  

In retrospect I begin to realize that while I loved my former husband very much, I had not learned how to be a wife prior to marriage and the Bible declares that, “my people perish for a lack of knowledge.” The lack of knowledge about marriage caused me to violate just about every principle there is for marriage and as a result, I ended up divorced. After the divorce was final, I dealt with mixed emotions. I was sad by the loss of my marriage, but I also had a sense of relief from expectations as a wife that I had no clue about. After a time to heal and learn how to accept being divorced, God begin to teach me how to be a wife and he gave me a time of peace to learn from him directly (through study of scriptures and a host of wonderful mentors) so many things that I never knew. Please do not get me wrong, I would have never chosen  to go through a divorce, but the Lord allowed those fires to come into my life to teach me how to be a much better wife; I also know how to teach and prepare my own daughters for marriage.  I do not have a husband; however, spiritually God is my husband and he allows me to have many of the same benefits as those women who do have husbands. He meets all of my needs both physically, financially and emotionally and I am not missing out on anything. I am human though so I have to remind myself of this from time to time (especially when times get tough). In my new life with the Lord I have a peace, security, and protection that I have never known. My life is not free of the trials of life, but it sometimes feels as though there is a greater love and grace to carry me through. Because of the feelings of the greater love and grace, I am learning how to trust him more and be more confident in his love for me.  

In addition to that,  becoming a single parent is what God used to help me to become a better mother. With their father out of the home, I knew that my children would need more hugs; more love and more attention to fill the void that was now in their life and through constant prayer and seeking God he taught me how to truly love and mother my children. Even in the trials that we continue to experience, he teaches me patience which is a necessary virtue when raising children. As a single parent my time is often very limited, however the Lord has taught me how to effectively manage all of my responsibilities so that my children and I do not suffer the destruction that often happens in one-parent families and that alone is a fulfillment of his promise (A thousand may fall at your right side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. Psalms 91:7). In spite of the things that my children have gone through, the Lord has allowed them to come out of all of these things unscathed. Like any other family we have moments of financial distress but those are the times that He acts as a loving husband and father and teaches us about being grateful, about giving to those less fortunate, and also about contentment and counting our blessings.  

When the Lord initially told me to change my perspective, I was upset because I thought that he was making light of the things that I had experienced, but what I learned is that was so untrue. The Lord was helping me to see that in spite of the things that we go through in life, there is always a diamond hidden in a chunk of coal. From the outside and before the necessary metamorphism, a piece of coal does not appear beautiful at all. It is black, dull in color, and unrefined. Only after the coal undergoes the process of being heated and having pressure applied will that piece of coal take on the form of a diamond. It is only after the pressure that its true beauty is revealed.  

The heat and the pressure that I experienced is what God used to help change me into the woman that I am today. James   1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”  It is without a doubt that I can thank God for my life. It has been out of the hardest times of my life that the greatest freedom and change has happened. I do not have all of the things that I once strived desperately for and to be honest they are no longer important. Neither has every dream that I have in my heart come into fruition, but I have come to understand that where I am in life is exactly where he wants me to be. Not one thing is missing and each and every blessing that he promised will one day be fulfilled.  

As humans (especially me) we have a tendency to think that the mistakes, failures, disappointments, or setbacks in life will define who we are for the rest of our lives but thank God that is so far from the truth. Nor do we “owe it to God” or anyone else for that matter to make up for our past when he's  forgiven us and given us a fresh start. When I kept trying to measure the life that God has given me now against the life that he took away from me, it never added up. But after I looked back on the past, why would it and really is it suppose to?  My children and I have been able to experience so much more since my divorce, than I ever thought possible. A few years ago I didn't have the hope that I have now or even a positive view for my future. No matter where we find ourselves in life, God is always there to bring peace, joy, and contentment to help us get through. God loved me so much that he delivered me from a life of ignorance, hurt and mediocrity into a life of joy, freedom and limitless possibilities. All of this joy and freedom first began with a weapon that was formed against me. 

Now when I look back on my life I  have begin to realize that I am no longer simply surviving, but now I am thriving right in the place that was once meant to be my destruction. It is such a wonderful feeling to finally be able to look back on everything and see things from that point of view. Unlike once before when I thought that the weapon that was formed against me prospered, I now understand that it was the weapon itself that God used to set me free.  

 

 


~ The former telecommunications employee turned stay at home mother professes that nothing is more important to her than enjoying tender moments with her children. 
Contact at: msdomesticdiva01@yahoo.com 

 

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 The Emancipation Proclamation of the Stay at Home Mom ~ By Chasity Champion

      A couple of months ago while riding down the street with a close friend, I questioned her about her plans for marriage and children to which she replied, “Girl, I am not ready for all of that just yet.” I was puzzled as to why not. I knew that she wanted both marriage and children or at least I thought she did. For the last 4 years she has been carrying around a list to God describing the “perfect husband” which was humorous to say the least. This sweet girl was one of my best friends and she always comments about how much she enjoys spending time with my children and I. Whenever there is a carnival at our church or a pool party, she wants to attend it with our family. Not only that, quite a few of her other friends had families and I had been noticing lately how all of this was wearing on her. If there was ever anyone that I thought wanted to be a wife and mother, it would have been her.  Maybe I was wrong to have assumed this; but, needless to say I was troubled by her answer. I sat quietly for a moment and after awhile she spoke up and said she wanted to live out her life first and then when she was finished living her life she would get married and have children. I don’t know maybe it was just me, but the impression she left me with was that she thought of marriage and motherhood as a job that you should begin when you have nothing else to do with your life. I could not help but feel as though she had a very unfortunate perspective of life, my life.  
 

      Of course I had to wonder why so many young women are both delaying marriage and parenthood, forgoing plans for children altogether, or limiting the amount of kids they would have when they did finally decide to have them. She was not the first young woman that I had heard speaking like this and not so long ago, I was apart of this fanatical trend. All of that that has changed though since I decided to quit my job and dedicate my life to my family, I absolutely love being a mother; I do not believe there is any job that provides stability, long-term satisfaction, and eternal rewards (when I  properly invest in myself into the task) as that of being a wife. Please do not get me wrong, there are both good and bad days in my life as a homemaker, but you take the bitter with the sweet and make chocolate. I questioned God about this strange phenomenon to which he replied, “It is time to make over the stay at home wife and mom.” 

      Now I know what you are thinking, in order to do this we need to find a television producer to market this concept and the next thing you know is that moms across America would be paraded around on television going from a hair salon to get a cut and color to a cosmetic dentist to have porcelain veneers placed on their teeth to correct an imperfect smile. Only in America that has become our idea of a makeover, but I am sorry that is the wrong answer! The makeover of the stay at home wife and mom that I am referring to is one that involves the inner and outer elements of a woman. I am talking about embracing the fact that we were created FEMALE!!!!!  

      I can vividly remember when I was considering becoming a homemaker many years ago the only picture of the stay at home wife and mom that I ever saw was a frazzled and frumpy looking woman in jeans and a plain old t-shirt with obnoxious children in the lines at Target begging for candy or treats. I had seen this scene a million times. The child would see some candy or a toy at the check out stand and ask his mom for it; she mother would kindly say no (almost pleading because she knew what was about to happen) and onto the floor the child would go in a raging tantrum. I would nod my head in blatant disapproval and mumble remarks under my breath; in my head I would go on and on about how she needed to get her child under control, but secretly I was also guilty of this transgression. My solution to this problem was simple though, I would leave my kids at home with my husband to drive him crazy.  

      Do you think that perhaps this is the same thing that other young women are noticing which is causing them to forgo the blessing of marriage and motherhood and driving them into corporate careers or military training? Do you think that the plain, boring, unfeminine and neglected appearance of stay at home women in general is what causes husbands to avoid wanting to spend time in public with their wives and children? Many of the other stay at home wives and moms that I know are eager to validate our place in society and rave about how we have a career in the home that is both meaningful and fulfilling, yet are we really presenting a positive image which glorifies our occupation so much so that the younger generation is jumping at an opportunity to do what we do. Ladies, I do not think so!   

      The next morning while brushing my teeth I begin to analyze myself to see if I was contributing to this negative perception and I could recall many occasions where I had fallen short. When I worked outside of the home, I remember waking up an extra hour early to put forth the effort of look nice for my co-workers and friends. I spent countless hours in a salon each week and even more time in the shopping centers and malls to purchase the perfect clothing and shoes so that I would be able to present the perfect image of a “working woman”. None of these things equated to me being a good wife or mother nor did they contribute to my advancement in the workplace. It was eventually out of exhaustion, dissatisfaction in both work and home, and the draining cost to keep up socially that I finally decided to quit my job. Well when I became a full time homemaker, I noticed that I relaxed altogether in my efforts to maintain my feminine appearance and also the fun and spontaneous things that I once did slowly began to come to an end also. In my mind, I was at home now and therefore there was no reason to waste all of that time getting up in the morning to “dress up” to go no where. In addition to that I often thought what is the sense in cultivating a fascinating personality if the only thing that I was going to do all day is stay at home with my kids, cooking, cleaning and home schooling.  

      I never realized that my attitude about my appearance was the result of a lack of character and that by neglecting it I was indirectly telling my family that I did not value them, my place in the world, or my place in our home. Even though I was at home with my family and self-righteously believing that I was sacrificing myself for their good, I really do not honor them through my actions in regards to my appearance and manner. After being heavily convicted in regards to these revelations I decided to take a moment to pray to the Lord about how to change my personal habits. In a very subtle and sudden way He began to do an amazing work on both the inside and outside of me.  

      As hard as it was to get up each day and make an honest effort to attend to my appearance, I did. Pulling on the skills of old, I brought out my make up bag, hair accessories, cute dresses, and jewelry and I made a commitment to look good for myself and then my family if I did not look good for anyone else. The Lord also led me to read books on manners, etiquette, and different styles of dress. With my newfound knowledge I felt the empowerment I needed to walk in the ways of a lady and also to rejoice about the fact that he created me female. It was so new and so refreshing and I begin to feel like a new woman on the inside and outside.  

      After attending several home school meetings, church, and social functions I quickly noticed that I was the only lady wearing a dress or freshly applied makeup and initially I felt out of place; however, I determined in my heart and mind that I must to continue to do so. I knew that God was working something out in me for the benefit of not only myself, but the other woman around me also. My daily efforts to become more feminine began to crossover into every area of my life. My trips to the grocery store now became weekly adventures to show off my joy of shopping for my family and I was making it look good. My weekly luncheon with friends became an opportunity to bless them with a well thought out meal, which nourished not only their bodies, but their inner woman as well. Not only was I feeling more feminine and confident than ever before, but the response from the general public was absolutely astonishing. I was being treated as a lady, my efforts as a mother, was finally being noticed, and I was beginning to feel happier than ever before. I even begin to attract new “friends” and sideline gossips who wanted to know, “what is she so happy about all the time?” I WAS HAPPY WITH THE NEW ME!!!  

      I did not stop there; I begin to do pedicures for myself, paint my nails, and style my hair in different ways and embrace all of the wonderful things that made me a woman.  I began to become more interested in the art of organization and homemaking and started baking my family cookies, cakes, and pies and even did some experimenting with delicious gourmet meals. Chasity was on a roll to say the least.  I took the time to train and discipline my children and teach them etiquette, so that they would act accordingly in public. All of these things of course are still a work in progress, but the funny thing is that even in the midst of learning and changing something very amazing began to happen; I felt emancipated. I realized that becoming a full time homemaker did not mean that I had to lose who I was, rather an opportunity to enhance everything that made me beautiful and the life that I live. Who said I have to look frazzled and frumpy while running errands and going to the grocery store or even at home? Who said my children have to act obnoxious and drive me crazy in public during outings or behind closed doors? Why should I deprive my family of the privilege of seeing me at my best, wearing my best, smelling my best, and looking my best when I had given so much to those outside of my home many of whom, I did not influence to righteousness, holiness, or peace in the Holy Spirit?  

      Jesus said in Matthew 5:13-16, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven.”  

      My fellow stay at home wives and moms, while society has successfully convinced us that we are boring and insignificant; I want to challenge you to believe otherwise. Do you know that we are the very essence that is holding our society together to the point that it is now and we have the power to change it even more? All it is going to take is a little strength and dedication on our part to show the world the greatness of a wife and mother’s love. Take it from someone who worked outside of the home for at least 10 years, it requires more skill and organization to successfully run a household than it does to do a job that will eventually become repetitive. It takes more effort to get up in the morning, look good for those you live at home with, while cooking dinner, scheduling home repairs, grocery shopping, spending time with our husbands and attending to the children, and attending to the many other duties of our day. Ladies the responsibilities of a homemaker are so involved, many women shy away from it altogether and turn to life in the working world; but for those of us who had answered the Master’s call, we should not only do our job, but do it with pride and skill. Let’s make our jobs look good.  

      There was one time in my life when I thought that the laziest person on earth was the stay at home mom because all she has do was  watch TV all day, cook a few meals, wash clothes, and play with kids. I did not see that as real work, that was until God handed me a broom, skillet, and a cross. As you can imagine my thoughts of the stay at home mother immediately challenge. I begin to see myself through new eyes. I am significant and yes I am worthy. More than anything, I am free and “who the son sets free, is free indeed. I love who I am and I cherish what I do. I MAKE THIS LOOK GOOD. Ladies, I want to challenge you today to look your best, cook your best, play your best, clean your best and live your best. 

      As for the friend I mentioned earlier, we had sushi yesterday. The last couple of weeks have revealed the truth of the matter. She confessed that deep down inside she is ready for both marriage and children and my “extreme makeover” was just the impetus she needed to see things from a new perspective. TO GOD IS THE GLORY!  

 

 

 
 
~ The former telecommunications employee turned stay at home mother professes that nothing is more important to her than enjoying tender moments with her children. 
Contact at: msdomesticdiva01@yahoo.com